I share this poem in response to the idea of African-American History and Culture as it connects The Creative Process’s association with the Smithsonian National Museum of African-American History and Culture. I wrote it when they were still circulating the video of George Floyd, before they figured they probably shouldn’t. That is to say that the processing and outrage about this death this time was still early and raw. This was my attempt to grasp at my reaction, at how to feel and talk myself through what was going on, how to conceptualize and reconceptualize my blackness and what it means about my place in the world. Enjoy!

when i mean what i say

nothing tastes sweet anymore.

one day they’ll collect this in an anthology or something…

they’ll ask: what did she mean when she said what she said?

that nothing tastes sweet anymore.

well look around at the world around you, take in the world around you; what would you say is the flavor of the air?

i did just that and nothing — nothing tastes sweet like they said it would.

when you know nothing, mud pies in backyards might as well be cherry, apple, peach.

but growth is the salt of tears — it’s not sweet.

reality like blood leaves a bitter taste in the mouth — it’s not sweet.

compassion is sugar, it’s candy — it’s the sweetest there is.

begging for it is sour, not sweet.

when they take your voice, they nick your tongue — can’t taste anything anymore.

and when you can’t breathe, you can’t taste shit.

the world is not sweet.

it never was but it is sad that you can taste it now.

that is what i mean when i say what i say.

that is all i mean.


Joelle Saunders
Student at Fordham University majoring in International Studies
Find more of my poetry on Instagram @/speak.and.play.poetry.